Every now and again my eldest daughter says ‘Do you remember when you turned our house into school?’ She is referring of course to lockdown when all the schools and pretty much everywhere else was closed and of course I remember it all too well. It was an extremely intense time for me, I am a single parent of two and at the time, I was working full-time in teaching in higher education. I lost all support and child care. This was particularly devastating as my eldest daughter is autistic and needs extra support with her learning. I was juggling working full-time (teaching moved online and I had a blistering marking schedule), home-schooling a 5 year-old and a 7 year-old with additional support needs, caring for my kids single handily with no support, running the house and I was also studying for a Masters at the time. Unfortunately, all of this just doesn’t fit easily into a 24 hour period. I did my best, I had a timetable ready for the kids each days that outlined all their lessons and activities, planning their play and rest periods around my online classes. Both kids needed so much support, my youngest was only in Primary 1, they could not be left to work independently on any tasks. I also had to try to find time to cook and clean, exercise, speak to my family (who were all very worried about us). When the kids were eventually in bed, I settled back at the laptop and started marking or studying until 11pm, midnight or even 1am. I would fall into bed and be back up ready to start another day of fitting school timetables around classes, housework, care, phone calls…usually starting between 5-6am (my eldest daughter has disordered sleep and is a very early riser), most days I was lucky if I found anytime to have a shower. As you can imagine, after months of this blistering schedule, I became burnt out and exhausted. No wonder that I, and many other single parents and carers, feel like we are still struggling to recover from the lockdowns.
Research from the carers trust Scotland (Carers Trust, 2021) and the ONS (ONS, 2021) showed that the social impact of lockdown was higher for unpaid carers. Hours spent caring went up for most carers (Carers trust, 2021) and their usual supports were unavailable. Unpaid carers were more likely to report that that their health was negatively impacted by the coronavirus pandemic than non-carers (ONS, 2021). In fact, 34% of unpaid carers surveyed in Scotland reported that their mental health was ‘much worse than before the pandemic’ and 23% reported that their physical health was ‘‘much worse than before the pandemic’. Additionally, in the same survey over half of the respondents felt more stressed, tired, lonely or isolated and anxious or worried than usual. I can relate to all these feelings, particularly feeling exhausted and isolated. For me, I began the process of home-schooling and balancing my hours around the kids care and education positively. I thought it would only be for a few weeks. However, as time went on, I became tired and it became more difficult to cope with all the demands of my life. The house grew messier and I had to take an interruption to my studies (although thankfully I have at least completed my Masters). Research also shows that single parent families were also disproportionately impacted by the pandemic. A submission to the Scottish parliament from one parent families Scotland (OPFS) highlighted that single parents challenging situation during lockdown was often not recognised during lockdown and they were not included in the groups which were identified as being vulnerable by local authorities. It is great to see these challenges have now been recognised as at the time it really did feel like we were forgotten about.
Despite the bleak picture painted above, there were of course lovely moments during lockdown. My girls and I felt closer than ever and I tried to find as many fun ways as I could to blend playing and learning. I wish I could have enjoyed our time together more, but I just felt I was under so much pressure due to all the demands on my time. I really do think I actually did an amazing job getting through the lockdowns. However, it came at a price. Like other carers reported (above), there was an impact on my physical and mental health and this is still ongoing. I had to take time off work last year due to anxiety and I have undertaken a block of counselling. I couldn’t understand at first, schools were back, things were open again, I should have felt better but I didn’t. The impact of the extended periods of isolation and loneliness as well as the burn out would not disappear overnight. The biggest thing that the counsellor did for me was to validate that it had been hard and it was normal to still be recovering.
Counselling did help and I am much strong than I was this time last year. However my physical health still needs some work. I have gained weight and lost fitness, I am trying to be kind to myself and allow myself to find the time and strength to get back to where I was and I know that I will. I am trying to find time to do more things that are just for me, outside of the family and work responsibilities like joining a book club and blogging. I am still very busy, dedicated to my family and my work but I feel I have found a bit of a better balance. Better wellbeing for me means a happier and healthier family and my girls are the most important thing in the world to me.
References
Carers trust (2021) COVID-19 IN SCOTLAND: THE IMPACT ON UNPAID CARERS AND CARER SERVICE SUPPORT WORKERS, https://carers.org/downloads/scotland-pdfs/covid-19-in-scotland.pdf
ONS (2021) Coronavirus and the social impact on unpaid carers in Great Britain, https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/socialcare/articles/coronavirusandthesocialimpactsonunpaidcarersingreatbritain/april2021
Scottish Parliament (2021) One Parent families Scotland submission, https://www.parliament.scot/chamber-and-committees/committees/current-and-previous-committees/session-6-education-children-and-young-people-committee/correspondence/2021/one-parent-families-scotland-submission
Single Scottish Mammy 
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